I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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