can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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