This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
