You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
