If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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