This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
