The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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