Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we're making bets on your personal life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
