I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
