my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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