Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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