OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
