She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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