I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
