I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
