Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
