she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This house was built for laser tag.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
