i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
