NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
