Can i not drive my cunt home
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
