well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
