God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
