If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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