I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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