I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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