Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
