god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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