in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
