Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
