stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
