i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
