I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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