fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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