i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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