So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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