Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
