i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
