chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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