Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
