This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
