Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
PS: I just woke up from my shower
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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