Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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