then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
