soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
