I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
