Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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