It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
