What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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