Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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