i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
