I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
