The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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