A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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