Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
