i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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