with your own penis?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
