i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
