don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
