I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
