What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
