I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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