dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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