Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
