He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
